Tips for increasing assertive communication
Being assertive can be challenging and a source of anxiety for many people. Individuals who struggle with assertiveness are less likely to have their needs met and are more likely to feel dissatisfied in daily life. If this is a challenge for you, you are not alone! What is assertive communication?
Assertive communication involves the clear communication of one’s thoughts, feelings, needs or opinions in an open, direct manner, without violating or dismissing the rights or needs of others. Assertiveness is not the ability to force others to behave in a certain way! Instead, it is a way of communicating that increases the chance that your needs will be met. Who struggles with assertive communication?
Anyone can struggle with assertive communication. Some people find it difficult to be assertive across many situations. Others can communicate assertively in one situation but not in another. It is important to remember, however, that assertiveness skills are skills just like any other – we can learn these skills through strategic planning and practice! When does non-assertive communication become a problem? Someone who is generally assertive may not be assertive in all situations. A passive approach may be warranted in situations where the cost of assertiveness is too high. A more aggressive approach may be needed if we are unsafe. In day-to-day life, however, non-assertive communication becomes a problem when our needs are repeatedly unmet. This can lead to anxiety, frustration, low self-esteem and even conflict in important relationships.
Our top 5 tips on increasing assertive communication
- Be clear about your goals. A common obstacle is not having a clear idea of your goals or the needs you want to convey. Taking time to consider your goals can increase the chance that your needs will be met. Remember to keep goals specific!
- Be strategic! When are you most likely to listen and respond well to another person’s assertive communication? If you’re like most people, it’s not when you are tired, overwhelmed or upset! Choose a time and place when you and others are relatively calm and where interruptions are at a minimum.
- Identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts or beliefs. Unhelpful thoughts about our ability to be assertive or about the consequences of being assertive can prevent us from actually being assertive! Challenge these thoughts by imagining what you’d say to a friend who has similar thoughts or by using your own past experience with assertiveness to challenge any unhelpful predictions.
- Develop an assertiveness script and practice it in advance. It can take preparation to communicate effectively, particularly when emotions are strong. Write down what you would like to say beforehand so that you can keep your main message in mind. Practice in front of a mirror or with a friend!
- Use the Broken Record technique! Your message may not get across the first time, particularly if it is not what others want to hear. You may need to repeat yourself several times until your message is heard!
Want to learn more?
Assertiveness – Do you struggle with being assertive? For these top tips and other strategies join St. Joe’s experts Eleanor Donegan and Michael Grossman for a free public talk on this topic,s Thursday, February 15th at 6:30 p.m. at the Sherwood Branch, Hamilton.
Mind Matters Speaker Series
Hamilton Public Library has partnered with St. Joe’s to create a speaker series dedicated to mental health and wellness. The series will run throughout the month of February across HPL branches and is FREE for the general public. There are a wide range of topics for all ages ranging from memory and aging, managing big emotions and coping with anxiety.
Visit www.stjoes.ca/psychologymonth for full details.